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When to let go.


Something a lot of people struggle with is when and how to let go. I struggle with this,

tremendously. I don't like letting go.(I'm a slow learner) I think I can just love and fix people. Life has shown me that I can't, people have to love themselves and fix themselves. But the truth is I still struggle with letting go, even when it isn't in my best interest. I remember my dear find asking me once, What am I going to do, (I was complaining about how unhappy I was in my marriage) was I going to keep complaining about the situation year after year or was I going to change it. That was when I learned how to let go, and choose me first, and boy, did it hurt! Everything I knew up to that point, was no longer real.

It can be letting go of a job, relationship or friendship. The real question is, "the why" we don't want to let go. Let's use a relationship for this example. Whether to stay or let go really pertains to if we are fooling yourselves. Are we spending our time making excuses for someone, questioning who they are, who they could be, who they will never be, who they can't be, who they are incapable of being? Or could it be that you changed or your partner has changed and you aren't on the same wavelength? Your patterns, your desires, your concepts of the good life, just aren't the same. But you are afraid to say, Hey, this relationship isn't working anymore. Most relationships and friendships are based a lot on habits and how we share our time together. So when one person starts to, hopefully, make positive changes in their lives, they might start to feel guilt or shame, for wanting better life choices for themselves. The other person might pull the loyalty card and say hey, wait, you can't leave, you belong with me. They won't support the changes, and conflict starts emerging.

There is an unspoken fear in some relationships when one starts to better themselves and the other doesn't. The fear of being lonely, or the possibility of their once passionate lover leaving. So quietly, and many times subconsciously they undermine your personal growth because they themselves are afraid of the changes. So they might start to drag you down, so you can't grow anymore, that you maintain status quo and remind the same.

This is the point when you are really getting tested, not just by the people, or your work, but by the habits, by the old beliefs, and new beliefs. This is the time when you need to think, for yourself, for your personal situation, and sometimes finding your own strength in solitude. Which is a hard thing to do, Since we have been trained to believe that we are to "find the one person in the world that is going to save us." sadly the fairytales never told us, that, that one person is you.

Remember letting go is for all types of relationships. Work, friendships, roommates, lovers, husbands, wives. When the question is asked, is it time to stay or time to let go? First, weight it out and think about if it is time to let go? Then place it in one of three categories, sanity. insanity, or change.

Sanity is when you see yourself in the picture, and you begin to understand that maybe you are the one with too high expectations or demands and that you are the one that needs to accept things, you choose to stay in the relationship, you except the relationship for what it is and allow for growth through understanding, empathy, and compassion. You say yes to the relationship and you understand that no one is perfect.

Insanity (most people choose this option) is when you are afraid of leaving the relationship, so you stay, but you are piss off and angry the entire time. You keep waiting, expecting, hoping and willing the other person to change. In hopes that you will one day get the things that you want or need. "Here is the thing, When someone shows you who they are, believe them," Maya Angelou. People will show you who they are again and again. Let them, and then allow them to be that person. If this relationship keeps failing to meet your needs, then think about if they can, will or want to fulfill your needs in the first place. This is so common in the workplace, the employer will take, take, take, and push you to extremes, all while your personal quality of life is tanking.

Change is the third option. This is when you say, okay, this is not working. I see a pattern of destruction here. I keep repeating the same story, the same cycle and I need to let go and change the reality of the situation. This is when you need to let it go, as hard as that choice may be.

Sources

Madamenoire.com, Now I understand: When someone shows me who they are, I believe them.

Addicted to bad relationships? Psalm Isadora.