Relationship Fear - Feeling Trapped or Abandon
RELATIONSHIP FEARS, we all have them. The more I learn about myself, The closer I become to the root of understanding, and rewriting them. What's your fear? Where do you believe it arises?
Two of the biggest fears in relationships are a fear of ABANDONMENT and fear of ENTRAPMENT (loss of freedom).
In a relationship, this would look like one lover wanting closeness while the other lover wants space. This would be one holding on, while the other wants to get away. This would be a classic common case of pushing and pulling dynamic in relationships.
WE ALL HAVE EMOTIONAL WOUNDING FROM OUR CHILDHOOD. THESE WOUNDS CAUSE US TO STRUGGLE WITH INTIMACY AS ADULTS. This wounding isn't just from our parents, wounding can be passed down generationally, could be caused by society, universal myths, past relationships, traumatic experiences etc... You get it.
What is Fear of Abandonment?
Fear of Abandonment is an emotional wound or phobia from a lack of close emotional contact…This fear creates a lack of trust, in self and others. This fear can be devastating, As the person is so fearful of being ABANDONED or REJECTED they grasp and cling on to intimate relationships, even when they shouldn’t or until the other person pulls away…
What is Fear of Entrapment?
Fear of Entrapment arises from having too much contact, not having enough space and having feelings intruded on. Possibly as a child this person was not provided space in parent-child relationships or intimate relationships. This person fears to get too close to people and is prone to withdrawal from intimate relationships…
Did you know most individuals with abandonment issues will link up with people with entrapment issues? And like magic, we now have, what I like to call a push and pull relationship.
Knowing and identify this fear is a big step in the right direction. Its also good to remember that this is common.
If your relatable fear is abandonment, you have to learn to comfort and confront this fear. Come to terms with the fact that this is part of your core wounding, it's protective and in some ways smoothing. Take responsibility for this fear by making deep connections with yourself, learn to know self-love and intimacy within your own being. Learn to rely on your inner instincts, TRUST that your needs to cling to lovers will lift with time, patience, space, and practice.
For those of you who's fear is entrapment. You also must learn to confront your fear. Knowing that this is your fear, is again, the first step in changing it. Learn to own this fear, and walk with it, rather than run away with it.
You must also connect to the love within yourself, allow this love to expand and open up don't shield it. Be very clear when you are feeling crowded, respectfully ask for space. Know, and trust that no one can take you away from yourself and know that you cannot be overtaken.
If you communicate and address these fears together in a relationship, you will both grow exponentially, and so will your relationship.
When it comes to bonding, connecting, and intimacy, we have to be compassionate with ourselves and each other. What works for me, might not work for you. Be honest about it. Don't shy away from sharing your truth. For you truth needs to be heard, spoken, and shared. So if your lover's fear is abandonment, be empathic with them about it. Or if your partner's fear is entrapment be empathic about that fear as well.
Being able to recognize your lover's fears are different then your own's fears is a huge step towards releasing your own emotional wounds.